Hey guys,
As you know I'm a self taught polymer clay sculptor and watercolor painter. I have a youtube channel called MahmurLemur that I publish polymer clay tutorials, watercolor speedpainting videos and tips&tricks videos about sculpting.
To be honest I have love and hate relationship with Youtube. I love publishing videos cause I know it will help my art to be recognized but I also hate it cause it is really hard to get known on Youtube or another social media platform and I believe my hard work doesn't get what it is worth. It is like trying to talk about the thing that is important to you in a really crowded and noisy environment where everybody else is shouting. In that environment you see a lot of people that is one tenths talented as you are but ten times more famous then you are and you feel like nobody hears you. You feel like you are doing something wrong, you feel like these platforms aren't for you. You feel exhausted and want to stop doing what you like because you think you will never get the appreciation. I feel this way once in a couple of months and I stop sculpting, I stop publishing videos, posting on social media. After a while I miss it and I start sculpting again. I make something I like. I want to share it. Then the cycle starts again. This is the psychological cycle I live in. This is why there are three months of breaks in some of my videos. If you don't publish for three months on youtube people forget you and if you start publishing again, you start all over.
Nowadays I decided to publish videos on 1st and 15th of every month. Two weeks is the time for me to make a video tutorial without getting stressed. From now on, I will kill the jealous needy woman inside me who always whines and doesn't appreciate the attention she got. I will be a real artist who just wants to be better at what she is doing. My only aim is going to be to improve myself and I am going to look other people's art just to get impressed, not to feel down on myself. Promise! Promise to myself! :)

It is time to appreciate and thank who watched this video which got 46K views on Youtube. Thank you for all who also watched my other videos, made great comments and appreciated what I've done so far!